I am officially down in them.
This post was supposed to be about how excited I am to jump on the healthy lifestyle bandwagon. Look at these cool new apps I found by following healthy living blogs! I can track my water intake! I can track my caloric intake! I can track my exercise goals! I’m gonna be healthy and skinny and fit in no time! And I’m going to ENJOY doing it!
But, that’s not how I feel. Instead, I feel sad. And a little mad. And kind of frustrated.
Now, just as a general disclaimer – I know I’m not immensely overweight. I know I don’t have to lose any weight to be a healthy, happy person. But I want to. I want to look and feel great and I want to do it the right way. Not the crash diet, lose 20 pounds but gain it all back after my first cupcake in 6 months way.
So why am I so sad? Because I feel like life’s not fair. (Cry me a river, I know.)
By counting calories I know my eating habits aren’t terrible. I’m always around the 1500 a day mark, sometimes more, some times less, which is pretty average for someone my size. I actually enjoy eating vegetables, and eating a salad isn’t a chore for me. My exercise habits, while admittedly could be better, aren’t terrible. But at the end of the day, I know I still have changing and growing to do. I need to monitor my portion sizes, and I need to be more cognitive of what I eat, not just how much of it.
The reason this makes me sad, mad, frustrated, etc is because, if you hadn’t gathered, I love food. I love cooking and baking and EATING; and while I enjoy healthy meals, I also enjoy unhealthy ones. White rice? Sign me up. Pasta? For days. Don’t even talk to me about cookies and cake and CHOCOLATE.
I know there are healthy alternatives for all these things. Cognitively, in my little brain, I know it. But emotionally and realistically? I don’t want alternatives. I like these things that are bad for me, and it makes me mad that I have to make sacrifices. I know this sounds completely unreasonable. I’m aware. But them’s the facts.
So, what am I going to do about it? Well, I am going to track my water intake. I am going to track my calories, and my exercise, and I am going to make sacrifices. But, cold turkey’s never the way for me, so while I make some changes and some sacrifices, I’ll allow myself a few indulgences, too. Not too many. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to the point where I like the “healthy” stuff more than the “good” stuff. Fingers crossed… wish me luck.